I thought I could trust you to talk to me about any thing that you had issues with on my FB but I have learned otherwise. I do not appreciate you mentioning stuff about me to Ken - things that you have seen on my private FB. That you have not bothered to talk to me about first - and some of it is stuff that I have talked to you about before but for some reason you saw fit to talk to him about recently. I know you didn't go out of your way to talk to him, but when the opportunity presented itself, you didn't hesitate to violate my trust.
I'm sorry you felt compelled to do that. I have therefore unfriended you. I can't trust you anymore & I am very hurt to find this out the way I did.
I'm sorry you felt compelled to do that. I have therefore unfriended you. I can't trust you anymore & I am very hurt to find this out the way I did.
Get off of it, Jo! I couldn;t talk to you the other day at work but I never talked to Carly or Shelby. Just ken. He's upset. I said I think you are going through a major mid-life crisis. You have reveled in abandoning everything you were before. You've taken pride in your rebellion. You've always loved making your Daddy upset. You sound like a teenager on here. (I did not say that to ken) You've always liked change and have craved attention and that is what your payoff is right now. I thought we could remain friends and I've chosen not to argue with you because I know how headstrong you are. Ken is sad and we just got into a discussion. I;m sorry we can no longer be friendsw. Truly.
Joyce - I cannot believe that you are taking this attitude. I am not rebelling against anyone - all I am doing is finally figuring out who I am away from all the expectations of those around me - I am finally figuring out the real me. I am sorry if you can't accept that & I am sorry that you feel like you have to judge me for not being what you expect me to be & for finally putting away the facades that I have lived behind all my life. Ken was not that upset before you spoke to him - we had talked through these issues & he was doing fine until you decided to interfere without talking to me. You have prided yourself on being the good girl & always following the customs & expectations of those around you. You went outside those bonds a little bit after your divorce from Perry, but then you quickly went back inside the comfort of those expectations & have not moved since. And you have no right to talk to Ken or anyone about me & my decisions, no matter what you think. You haven't really known me for years - you have no idea what my life was like with him or what it was like before we met - as long as I was willing to fit in the mold you wanted me to fit in I was ok - but now that I am being true to myself you feel like you can judge me & tell me what is wrong with me? And yes, I like change - there is no life in stagnation. And I don't live my life to make my father upset or anyone else for that matter. I'm almost 50 - I have truly moved past that stage - and finally coming into my own - sorry you don't agree with it -
Jo, most of your statements are full of anger and rebellion. Anyone who doesn;t agree with you is wrong. Same that you are saying about others. Read your posts. It's your identity now.
I can accept a lot of your changes but have a distaste for the showy, angry, dwelling on victimization that you embrace as a subculture. I don;t know all of your life with Ken but you did bully him around a bit, too. It wasn;t all his fault! Just don;t take things to the extreme, Jo. It appears you have. I'm sorry if I was out of line. If I didn;t care (or if Ken didn;t) we wouldn;t have been so passionate about it. I'll always love you! Even when we'd like to punch or throw hexes! :)
I know it wasn't all his fault - and I do not consider myself a victim, except in the way that people cannot be left alone to live their lives that they chose in peace without others judging them for not fitting into their little molds. And yes, as I find out more about myself, there are things that I feel angry about but as I deal with the initial issue the anger fades & I move on - but then judgment from others rears its intolerant head & I get angry again - and if people were attacking your beliefs all the time you would be angry too - which I do remember you taking part in a few protests recently.
And I don't know what you mean by extreme - I guess my stepping out of your preconceived mold is taking things to the extreme & I will not apologize for that - I will not apologize for being true to myself & not following expectations any more - I will not apologize for thinking for myself instead of following the status quo. I don't think you are wrong if you don't agree with me - you have the right to believe & act however you so chose with no interference or judgment or attack from others. But you also have to be willing to give that same respect to those you don't agree with without calling them angry or rebellious. We can ride this carousel til we are blue in the face - you seemingly denigrating me for thinking for myself & me seemingly being intolerant because you follow the status quo.
The definition of rebellion is resistance to tradition - so in that way, yes I am rebelling - against traditions that are stifling, hateful, controlling & intolerant. So I will agree with you that I am full of rebellion - but that is not a bad thing. Rebellions have done much to make the world better over the centuries - where would America be if the colonists had not rebelled against a controlling tradition? And do you not consider the Tea Party a form of rebellion against the established way of doing things?
And your 'concerns' about me are because I no longer agree with you about a lot of things - and you then call me angry, rebellious & say I am acting like a teenager. Gee, and yet anyone that doesn't agree with me is wrong? Pot calling the kettle black, dear. I'm not the one judging you because of what you believe or how you live your life - I'm not talking to your family members because I don't agree with how you live or believe because it's different from what I'm in to - I'm not the one telling you that the reason you are changing is because of some nebulous syndrome called 'mid-life crisis' instead of really trying to understand who you are & why. Sorry that my learning to live outside of that Ozzie & Harriet box is causing you problems. I am more concerned about what it says about you that you are unable to accept the real me and prefer the fake me -
And I don't know what you mean by extreme - I guess my stepping out of your preconceived mold is taking things to the extreme & I will not apologize for that - I will not apologize for being true to myself & not following expectations any more - I will not apologize for thinking for myself instead of following the status quo. I don't think you are wrong if you don't agree with me - you have the right to believe & act however you so chose with no interference or judgment or attack from others. But you also have to be willing to give that same respect to those you don't agree with without calling them angry or rebellious. We can ride this carousel til we are blue in the face - you seemingly denigrating me for thinking for myself & me seemingly being intolerant because you follow the status quo.
The definition of rebellion is resistance to tradition - so in that way, yes I am rebelling - against traditions that are stifling, hateful, controlling & intolerant. So I will agree with you that I am full of rebellion - but that is not a bad thing. Rebellions have done much to make the world better over the centuries - where would America be if the colonists had not rebelled against a controlling tradition? And do you not consider the Tea Party a form of rebellion against the established way of doing things?
And your 'concerns' about me are because I no longer agree with you about a lot of things - and you then call me angry, rebellious & say I am acting like a teenager. Gee, and yet anyone that doesn't agree with me is wrong? Pot calling the kettle black, dear. I'm not the one judging you because of what you believe or how you live your life - I'm not talking to your family members because I don't agree with how you live or believe because it's different from what I'm in to - I'm not the one telling you that the reason you are changing is because of some nebulous syndrome called 'mid-life crisis' instead of really trying to understand who you are & why. Sorry that my learning to live outside of that Ozzie & Harriet box is causing you problems. I am more concerned about what it says about you that you are unable to accept the real me and prefer the fake me -
Hey Jo...
ReplyDeleteRebellion is something that only appears as rebellion to someone invested in the system that another person is moving beyond or out of of. I surely won't deny you are impulsive in some ways, and I suspect you always will be - but thats certainly not a bad thing. You are 50 years old, you have raised two beautiful daughters who are amazing, and are gainfully employed with your own home. These are not the actions or life patterns of someone who is being irresponsible, "rebellious" in the sense of not having grown up or accepted responsibility. And you are moving into a period of your life where freedom from a very oppressive past is at last within your grasp. You are reaching levels of self honesty that are hard for most people. Most people stay within the bounds of the known, the expected and the traditional - tradition and rigidly constructed societal constructs give them safety. And they cannot or will not cope with someone who steps outside the lines. I do think that whoever this is did step out of line to talk to Ken...they should have talked to you first, not behind your back. I think you have handled it as well as is possible. If changing your life had meant you were going to go back to school and become a pastry chef, or seek to join an odd branch of Christianity (wait, you already did that one) or wildly alter your life course in a way that was "acceptable" there might have been some talk, but no out and out disapproval. But you are pagan and gay - and those are not "acceptable" by most people in the rigid mindset of the realm of tradition and correctness. I'm sorry you got bit. I think you handled it as well as you could. And I for one am terribly proud of you! But I doubt my opinion counts - LOL! - I am one of "those" people too, who have thrown over everything I ever was to be what and who I was meant to be. And at the time it all blew up, it cost me 3 of my five closest friends and several of the communities I was associated with. There is always a price, for self honesty and truth. Here we stand and we can do no less. And, the idea of being inappropriately angry or the concept of a victim subculture is just...it does not apply to you. Yes, you are angry. You have every right to your anger. And I am still boggling over the idea of you as a victim. Back then yes, maybe, now, no. And if the victim can be blamed for being a victim, told that its their fault and they need to get over it, then the people who are - in their view - not victims are safe, it can't happen to them and won't happen to them, as long as they stay in their safe little world and look down on anything outside it. And that viewpoint and behavior is as old as recorded time...one of the earliest stories extant of victim blame and judgement of "inappropriate anger" is found in the book of Job. Job's four friends were doing just fine when they sat with him for 7 days...and then they blew it when they opened their mouths. And I have YET to hear any teaching or sermon that addresses the real point of the story - the failure of Job's friends to be his friend, or Job's journey to learn to live outside of narrow tradition. You've got yourself one of "Job's Friends" there. Be as patient as you can and stick to your truth - I think you are doing fine. (and btw, the midlife crisis thing is ridiculous too. *snort* another pat, made up psychological evaluation with no real existence that the public has fastened on for a cheap way to dismiss anyone who doesn't live according to their idea of how things are suppose to be.)
Thank you! Thank you! You so clarified everything I was trying to say. And I know that there is a price & am expecting to pay it big time. I figure that the 'mid-life crisis' comes about because that's the age that people finally step up & say to hell with the status quo & become a real person. And you explained the old friend's viewpoint exactly - she is safe & secure in her correct little world & is having a hard time because I can no longer be pigeon-holed in it.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see you all Saturday! I am so looking forward to being able to be in comfortable, accepting company.